Really Funny Quotes From Famous People

Really Funny Quotes From Famous People There are funny quotes and then there are funny quotes. Some really make you guffaw, while others rarely make your lips curl in mirth. Truly, there are only a few award-winning really funny quotes that make you laugh over and over again. Here are a few really funny quotes that are different from the others and have stood the test of time. Colonel Sanders Theres no reason to be the richest man in the cemetery. You cant do any business from there. Roseanne Barr Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When youre feeling festive? W.C. Fields I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally. Milton Berle Theyve finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. George Gobel If it werent for electricity wed all be watching television by candlelight. Groucho Marx I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. Voltaire It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. Oscar Wilde By persistently remaining single a man converts himself into a permanent public temptation. Ellen DeGeneres My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. Shes ninety-seven now, and we dont know where the hell she is. Tommy Cooper You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said Parking Fine. Oscar Levant Roses are red, violets are blue, Im schizophrenic, and so am I. Flip Wilson If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Joey Adams If it werent for the fact that the TV set and the refrigerator are so far apart, some of us wouldnt get any exercise at all. Mike Myers My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare. Emo Philips I was walking down Fifth Avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought:  well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson. Steven Wright If at  first, you dont succeed, then skydiving definitely isnt for you. Robin Williams Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves? Jerry Seinfeld There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Joan Rivers I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio. Larry David When youre not concerned with succeeding, you can work with complete freedom. Lewis Black Do you know what meteorologist means in English? It means liar. Mae West When Im good, Im very good. But when Im bad Im better. Alice Roosevelt Longworth If you havent got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.